Lessons learned in life come in various ways. Sometimes, we learn from the mistakes of others; sometimes, we learn from our own mistakes; sometimes, we are wise enough to understand principles that allow us to avoid certain mistakes. I like to think that I often fall into this third category, but I realize now that I may just be that guy who cruises through life so oblivious to what's going on around him that he just assumes he hasn't made any mistakes.
Guilt is not something I'm generally apt to feel; I just don't really get worked up over stuff, and I sometimes have trouble understanding why people are so edgy. Someone offends me, I get over it; if it's really bad, I may have to sleep it off, but I usually can do that. I offend somebody else, if I'm aware that I've done it, I usually just don't really care.
Well no more; no more, I say! I'm going to start taking responsibility for my actions. I learned last night, by way of extreme social faux pas, that human relationships are fairly delicate things, that even the strongest of ties (not that I've had many like that, so I guess this is merely supposition) can be broken by a single thoughtless act. And for the first time in my life, perhaps, I feel badly about something I've done to someone else. And now that the guilt has started, I find myself seeking to purge myself of all previous offenses, walking around, apologizing to every person I've ever known, regardless of whether I can think of a good reason for doing so. It feels good, though most folks think I'm crazy, and I think it's long over due. I suppose that if I were to become that guy who does nothing but apologize all the time, I'd become tedious and nobody would really like me any more, so I don't intend to take it to that extreme. But I am calling off my total disregard toward other people and their opinions, and I'm going to strive to live my life a little less recklessly.
Perhaps this may seem to some the sort of change that cannot be made all at once, but, given the way I feel, that's exactly what I intend it to be.
A woman in testimony meeting yesterday said how some of her children have left the church for one reason or another. She felt that she had failed them somehow, and was praying for forgiveness for whatever dumb thing she'd done.
ReplyDeleteHer answer was something like "You want me to forgive you for being human?"
Now, I'm not saying you, or anyone, should just shrug off their shortcomings just 'cause we're all human. But we're all learning. And learning comes with its own pitfalls, bumps and bruises.
I applaud you for trying. ^.^ I applaud you for trying to change and metamorphose into a better butterfly.
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ReplyDeleteI'm much the same. But then, occasionally, I discover that I have hidden resentments deep inside me. This happened only last week when it hit me that my book should be in print right now and I got totally screwed by the publisher. So apparently I'm not quite over that after all.
But not (generally) holding resentments myself makes it hard to recognize that others often do. But I'm a pretty good apologizer. Can't say of the apologizees are good at their job or not though.....
Guilt is an interesting thing. When we are aware of it it can propt us into action. I have a family member who has let themsels be consumed by their guilt and let that guilt direct their life. I think guilt has the purpose to make us realize when we have done something wrong, but it can be damaging if you don't forgive youself.
ReplyDeleteRight, right. My intent is to harbor this guilt only so long as it continues to motivate me to do some fundamental things differently; once I get into some positive social habits, I imagine it will just sort of go away (it wanes every time I resist the urge to say something that borders upon callousness, which is no less than 3 or 4 times a day).
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